I have managed over the last 36 years to successfully never watch more than a milli second of A Current Affair before I scream wildly and lunge for the remote control. This is record of which I am notably proud. If I had a badge I would wear it.
Sadly this outstanding record is no more. On Thursday night, during the news bulletin which proceeds the dread show, I became mildly excited at the prospect of A current Affair story that was coming up on which fake tan lotion is the best to waste your money on. Now, normally this would not fill me with the warm fuzzy, but having recently turned a vivid shade of orange from a never to be mentioned again tanning incident and because I am incredibly shallow and self obsessed I made squealing noises and sat back ready to be infomercialised.
Of course what I didn't realise was that in the world of A Current Affair the tanning story was gold and therefore would be the Jewell in the crown as the last story on the show.
Well fuck me, what a load of mind numbing, soul destroying shit proceeded it. There was the old fat guy who was teaching kids in some rural town karate and the parents, damn them, where pissed because he had no qualification and apparently knew no karate. Well so what? He had the white pj's on, he had a mustache and he was throwing moves that made fat Elvis look like a martial arts master. Absolute champ. If I lived in Hill Billy town instead of Lands End my kids would so be there.
Then there was some story about ....... god I can't even remember. Oh that's right, some crap. And so and so on until we got to the long awaited fake tan story which was ok except all the girls turned out ORANGE.
That is half and hour of my life and many, many brain cells I will never get back. The whole experience made me so angry and depressed that tens of people in this country watch this shit every night and consider it current affairs. I could weep except it would make my tan streak.
Sadly this outstanding record is no more. On Thursday night, during the news bulletin which proceeds the dread show, I became mildly excited at the prospect of A current Affair story that was coming up on which fake tan lotion is the best to waste your money on. Now, normally this would not fill me with the warm fuzzy, but having recently turned a vivid shade of orange from a never to be mentioned again tanning incident and because I am incredibly shallow and self obsessed I made squealing noises and sat back ready to be infomercialised.
Of course what I didn't realise was that in the world of A Current Affair the tanning story was gold and therefore would be the Jewell in the crown as the last story on the show.
Well fuck me, what a load of mind numbing, soul destroying shit proceeded it. There was the old fat guy who was teaching kids in some rural town karate and the parents, damn them, where pissed because he had no qualification and apparently knew no karate. Well so what? He had the white pj's on, he had a mustache and he was throwing moves that made fat Elvis look like a martial arts master. Absolute champ. If I lived in Hill Billy town instead of Lands End my kids would so be there.
Then there was some story about ....... god I can't even remember. Oh that's right, some crap. And so and so on until we got to the long awaited fake tan story which was ok except all the girls turned out ORANGE.
That is half and hour of my life and many, many brain cells I will never get back. The whole experience made me so angry and depressed that tens of people in this country watch this shit every night and consider it current affairs. I could weep except it would make my tan streak.
